Ok so.. on Friday I woke up..went to see ree with nichole.. we went to the hospital to see my g’ma.. and I gave her a kiss and she said “I love you des” so.. I held her hand.. along with ree.. and we just watched her.. she smiled at us and just talked to us about whats going on.. after that we left.. went to a movie.. hung out.. blah blah..  my g’pa comes to pick us up and tells us that theyre gonna take her home.. and the dr. said they wont do chemo anymore.. and that’s he has about.. couple weeks to a month.. so deb decided shed come.. everyone was here cept Sharon.. then we chilled at dan and cindi’s house on Friday night.. woke up Saturday went to g’mas.. and saw everybody.. (my gandma was coming home.. hospice like sets up a hospital bed and yea..) so I walked in.. expecting to see my g’ma and kiss her and tell her I love her.. and her know that it was me.. or even be aware someone was there… but she didn’t… she was totally asleep… in pain.. so I just had to leave.. me and bron and jeb went to ross.. shopped.. then went back and then headed over to pats house.. we chilled over there.. I was having so much fun.. for once in the whole day I was happy.. I was laughing.. and staring at JT..lol at bitching at Jessica.. so.. we(me, ree, and bron) head back over to g’mas.. get our stuff the go to my house.. It was about one a.m.. and yea.. we all left.. deb was pose to stay up with g’ma then Carolyn at like 5.. then my mom come over at like 8.. so.. we all leave.. go to my house.. talk.. get ready for bed.. I go to the bathroom at bout 1:28.. get out.. 1:30.. phone rings.. I pick it up and tims like talking to my mom and says “grandma just died…” I get off the phone and tell Bronson, ree, and brit.. we all sat and bawled..  my mom comes up and says ill call u when I get there and tell u when to come over.. so we waited…. I mentioned that we say a prayer..(me, of all people.)..so me,ree, brit, and bron did… I get a call from shane saying.. shes still alive… but come over here and say good bye.. so we rushed over there… it was bout 2.. everyone was there except, Sharon.. her family(theyre in texas) zack(American fork) cody and pat(at theyre house.. not answerin theyre phones)

So… we all sat in the living room… and just cried… and sang and.. just watched her... my mom went to go have one of the little kids kiss her.. and they looked at her and she was dead…no pulse… my aunt marie is a nurse so she looked.. and yea…. No pulse.. that’s when everyone realized.. shes gone…3:07 a.m  may 30. so we all bursted…. It was like the worst thing… we all said a prayer.. and I have to tell you… I hate churchy/god things.. but that’s the best I have ever felt.. im not joking you.. Carolyn told us to go get cody and pat.. tell them then go get cliff and jake and bring them here.. so we did… we came back and just talked with everyone..everyone left around 4:45.. but my family and ree left around.. 5:30.. so.. we got home and I didn’t go to bed till bout..7:30.. I couldn’t.. I was so tired but I coulded…I woke up again at 8 for bout 30 mins.. then woke up at 10.. so im drained from crying.. and no sleep.. my family is the most important thing in my life.. you really don’t know.. my grandma was the one where I could just be so down on my self.. and go to her house and I wouldn’t tell her.. but shed know I wasn’t happy.. and i just felt hatred with my self.. and shed tell me how beautiful I was.. she was my moms life.. this is so hard… then I read these notes from baylee(6) kelsie(10) and the put on the envelop.. “grandpa.. read these to grandma” and so I read them.. and it was saying how much they love her.. and baylee put that her heart is worried.. its so hard.. once I stop crying.. it replays in my head.. just my mom saying.. her pulse stopped.. the viewing is weds.. funeral thurs..everyone in our family will be there.. which im so glad that’s how its going..

So.. what.. lost my dad at 9.. lost my g’ma at 11.. lost my aunt at 12.. and lost my g’ma at 14.. if anything happens to my mom… u wont understand…u’ll just have to gun me down… shes my best friend… ugh..

So… weds I get my braces off.. Friday im getting my hair cut.. and dyed..Saturday its my birthday… and im sure no one will really remember… but yea..

Im out…bye